


A Crush on the Captain

by Selena_Snow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ackerman Bond, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Time Skip, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27566314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selena_Snow/pseuds/Selena_Snow
Summary: In his defense, Levi hadn’t intended to overhear the conversation. His squad was just too fucking loud for their own good.“—don’t know why you won’t just tell ‘em, Armin! What kinda soldier are you if you can’t even man up to your feelings?”“Sh-Shut up, Jean!”The captain’s eyebrow quirked up. He stilled his movements without a second thought.“Come on, guys, that’s enough for tonight,” Eren’s voice spoke up. It was protective. Not something uncommon, but…“I agree with Jean.”Levi blinked.“Eh?” Jean sputtered. “You do, Mikasa?”“Mm,” the young woman replied. “I think he should get it over with. He keeps staring at captain during missions. He nearly hit a tree last time.”Armin, staring…why?“I think it’s cute!” Conny piped up. “Armin has a crush on Captain Levi!”--------A story in which Armin really didn't want his captain finding out about his crush, and Levi has no idea what to do with this new information. Post time-skip: 19 year old Armin.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Levi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 186





	A Crush on the Captain

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this one stored away for months, but had just never really finished it! I hope you enjoy!

Armin has a crush on Captain Levi. There— he said it, okay? Now please leave him alone about it.

But no, of course he wouldn’t be left alone about it, not when he had friends like these. And it wasn’t even the fact that he was attracted to the same sex (thank goodness). As far as Armin could tell, most of his friends were similar in that regard. 

So no, that wasn’t what he got teased about. What he got teased about were the moments he was completely spaced out while Captain Levi was talking, focusing solely on those alluring silver-blue eyes and wondering if his hair was as silky as it looked. And then there was his voice, unwavering and rich, and his height— it was just so _cute_ in a way that it really shouldn’t be, because nothing about Levi was cute. He was brave and badass and handsome and strong and—

…yeah, Armin had it bad. But so long as Captain Levi didn’t find out, everything would be fine. Therefore, Armin suffered through meetings and dinners and missions and tried to not think too much of it when his captain showed him any ounce of favoritism. None of it mattered (or at least that’s what Armin tried to tell himself).

And then something changed.

As time had gone on, their squadron’s captain had loosened up a bit. Not a ton, but enough for it to be recognizable when he suddenly reverted back to how he used to be all those years ago. 

Overnight it seemed, Captain Levi stiffened back up again. His shoulders were tense, his mouth was set in a permanent frown, and his eyes held…something. Something that Armin couldn’t quite decipher, which was odd because he had at some point come to be the residential Levi-reader (other than the late Commander Erwin, of course). 

Even worse, that strange gaze kept lingering on _him_ of all people. Those meetings and dinners and missions were no longer filled with trying to hurriedly stuff down the butterflies flitting about in his stomach, but instead with a growing weight in his chest that was slowly suffocating him.

Armin tried to ignore it. He really did. But Levi apparently had no issue about openly staring at him, and after this had gone on for two weeks, Armin really wasn’t that surprised when his childhood friends cornered him before bedtime. 

“What did you _do?”_ Eren demanded. His tone wasn’t angry— more confused, if anything. Armin had always fallen into Levi’s good graces so easily. So what was going on? 

Armin shook his head. “I-I don’t know!” he squeaked. “But you’ve noticed too, right? That the captain is acting different?” 

Eren scoffed, and Mikasa answered for him by murmuring, “I think everyone’s noticed.” 

Sky blue eyes darted down to stare at the ground. Armin really didn’t know what to say. If everyone had noticed…then maybe it wasn’t just a him-thing. Maybe something they didn’t know about was bothering their captain— a command from higher up that he didn’t like, perhaps. It wouldn’t be surprising, given their captain’s tendency for defying the law.

But that still didn’t explain the staring. 

After a few seconds of silence had passed, Eren let out a sigh. “Well, whatever’s going on, you need to fix it.” 

Armin’s head shot up, eyes wide. “M-Me? Why me?!” 

“Because he listens to you,” Mikasa answered in a way that sounded like she thought it was obvious. “And we’ve already tried.” 

His stomach twisted. “You…you did?” 

“Yeah,” Eren rolled his eyes. “And he wouldn’t tell us shit. You’re our best chance at figuring this out.” 

Those words rang through Armin’s head that night as he lied in bed, unable to sleep. He’d turned over countless times, repositioned the blankets, even tried walking around some to wear himself out. It was all useless— his mind was too busy throwing around images of piercing eyes gazing at him from across the room, burning a hole through his soul. 

What was he supposed to do? Was he really the only person who could get through to Levi at a time like this? _Him?_ He was just so…Armin. And Levi was so…everything. 

The thoughts still rattled around in his brain the next morning, and when he walked in to get breakfast and was met with that same silver-blue stare that had haunted him all night, he made up his mind. 

It wasn’t that hard for Armin to find time alone with Levi, really (something he hadn’t ever considered before— he knew their captain didn’t give the same privilege so easily to the others). Then again, it wasn’t like they were hanging out. Levi often consulted with Armin on battle tactics, calling him into whatever quiet space they could find and letting Armin ramble on ceaselessly until he was out of breath. 

Their location this time was the library. At night. With candles all around to light their map. And no one else in the vicinity. At all. 

Armin tried to be subtle as he took in a deep breath. The room was…tense. The blond wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not. Because on one hand, it was an uncomfortably cliché romantic setting because, you know, Captain Levi and flickering flames and it was quiet and _alone_ and did he really choose now of all times to decide to man up? 

And then there was his captain, stiff as ever, his voice clipped and his eyes continuing to bore into Armin during the brief seconds Armin could manage to look at him. 

Their meeting was drawing to an end quickly. Whether he realized it or not, Captain Levi had a habit of tapping his fingers on the table when he was ready for a conversation to be finished. The tapping was getting louder by the second— as was Armin’s heartbeat in his ears. 

The blond was in the middle of planning out something to say when his captain abruptly rolled up the map. “Alright, thank you for your advice. You are dismissed.” 

Armin thought his heart was going to burst. This was it. He had to do it now. He would be casual, but also make sure that he still used his captain’s title to be respectful, and—

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” he blurted out. 

Only when silver-blue eyes turned to meet his did Armin realize what he’d done. He squeaked, hands flying to cover his mouth. 

“I-I am so sorry, captain,” he apologized through his fingers. “I shouldn’t have said that, I’ll just go—“ 

“I have a question for you, Armin.”

The young man promptly shut up. He watched, completely frozen, as Captain Levi sat down. It was odd. The captain usually never sat down when they were speaking— at least not when they were in a meeting like this. Armin eyed the chair at the table next to his captain, but quickly decided against it. 

The captain didn’t speak for a moment. His eyes were pensive, mouth drawn into a thoughtful frown. “A couple weeks ago, I overheard a rumor about you.” 

Armin’s heart stopped. 

“I heard the other brats teasing you about it. You sounded uncomfortable, and I couldn’t tell if—“ he cleared his throat. “Listen, I don’t need that type of shit going on,” Captain Levi continued. There was a slowness to how he was speaking, as though in real time, he himself was processing what he was saying just like Armin was. 

A painful ten seconds of nothing passed. Armin wanted to run. 

Silver-blue eyes finally lifted, hardened and serious. “You do understand that if there’s a problem in my squad, if someone is being shitty toward you, that you report it to me, correct?” 

Somehow Armin was able to get out, “Y-Yes, sir!” 

Captain Levi nodded. “Good.” 

Something intangible was left hanging silently in the air. Armin hated it, and also hated himself for the fact that he knew if he didn’t ask what it was, it would only continue to haunt him. 

“Captain Levi, if I may ask…what was the rumor you heard?” 

And for the first time in two weeks, the captain looked away. “Some bullshit about you being attracted to me. Romantically, I mean.” 

No. No, no. He was _nineteen_ and this was his _superior_ and _no_. None of this was supposed to happen! Everything was going to be fine if he never found out! The blond’s mind was racing, trying to think of something, anything he could say to get him out of this situation, but then Levi was opening his mouth again. 

“Is what I heard true?”

Armin knew he couldn’t lie— not to his captain. He squeezed his eyes shut. Levi’s reaction was the last thing he wanted to see. “Yes, sir.”

A god-awful silence followed. The blond didn’t dare open his eyes. He couldn’t. This was the most mortifying situation of his life, and that was really saying something.   
  
“Armin, look at me.” 

The soldier forced himself to peek one eye open. 

Captain Levi’s eyes were sparkling in the candlelight, even as they showed their clear confusion. Wait, was that what that weird look had been this entire time? “…you have feelings for me,” the captain said. There wasn’t the upward lift at the end to denote a question, and yet, it still felt like one.

Armin’s cheeks burned. “I-I, well, it’s just a—“ _get it together, Arlert,_ “just a crush, you know? It, um, I’ve been making sure it doesn’t affect my abilities as a soldier, or as your strategist, and—“

“Huh,” Levi intoned, causing Armin to snap his mouth shut. “Interesting.”

_Interesting?!_ Armin wanted to scream. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

The blond wanted to be swallowed up by the floor beneath his boots. Funny how he’d faced down titans of all shapes and sizes— shit, he _was_ one of those titans— and he and his friends had all been to hell and back countless times, and _this?_ This was really the moment he wanted to flee? Because that’s what he wanted more than anything— he wanted to run, never look back, and pray that somehow all of this would miraculously be forgotten by both of them.

Captain Levi stood. His eyes were focused on the ground. “While I wish I could say I return your affections, I—“ 

“No!” Armin cried, and Captain Levi startled. The blond winced. Damn his stupid mouth. But he couldn’t help it because Levi had been using his _polite_ voice, that bullshit tone that he whipped out around aristocrats and politicians, and to hear it aimed at himself hurt more than Armin could’ve known. 

“You don’t— you can’t— it’s fine,” Armin continued idiotically. “You’re— I wasn’t ever going to tell you anyways, so it’s— you don’t have to do anything,” he stated, and yes, his heart was still hurting, but he just needed to push through. “I’ll be fine.” 

The response he got was a lifted eyebrow and a curious look. There was a dead silence during which neither of them moved for about ten seconds. And when Captain Levi finally did move forward, Armin had to force himself to stand his ground.

There was a visual release of tension from the shorter man’s shoulders. “I appreciate your honesty,” Levi stated. That sentence felt like a stab in the chest. 

Armin opened his mouth to respond, but what could he say? What was left other than countless apologies, pleas for this to be left in this room, and stammered requests to go back to how things were before. But as the blond’s mind was running rampant, flitting through all these options and their various potential outcomes, Levi moved just a step closer. 

What happened next would take Armin at least a month to process.

Contrary to what people thought, Captain Levi was not opposed to closeness. He didn’t prefer it, either. But he did understand the importance of it at the right time, and the right time seemed to be now. 

Armin had already been frozen stock still during the entire exchange (except for a few flailing arms and waving hands). Therefore, he continued to stay still when his hand was picked up, kissed, and then gently put back at his side. 

“I hope you can find someone who’s able to return your feelings,” Captain Levi murmured. “See you in the morning, Armin.” And then, he was gone. 

The soldier stood there in the midst of flickering candles for five minutes, blinking. 

Over the next week, their captain loosened up again. He no longer stared at Armin endlessly— although it did still seem like more than usual. Whenever Captain Levi was caught, he would simply nod, and Armin would feel his face explode bright red. 

They never talked about that night.

* * *

In his defense, Levi hadn’t intended to overhear the conversation. His squad was just too fucking loud for their own good. 

“—don’t know why you won’t just tell ‘em, Armin! What kinda soldier are you if you can’t even man up to your feelings?” 

“Sh-Shut up, Jean!” 

The captain’s eyebrow quirked up. He stilled his movements without a second thought. 

“Come on, guys, that’s enough for tonight,” Eren’s voice spoke up. It was protective. Not something uncommon, but…

“I agree with Jean.” 

Levi blinked. 

“Eh?” Jean sputtered. “You do, Mikasa?” 

“Mm,” the young woman replied. “I think he should get it over with. He keeps staring at captain during missions. He nearly hit a tree last time.” 

Armin, staring…why? 

“I think it’s cute!” Conny piped up. “Armin has a crush on Captain Levi!” 

Said captain’s heart froze. The conversation in the room had gone back to bursting vibrantly, with whistles and Armin’s pleas for them to stop echoing against the walls. At some point, Levi walked away. 

He didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t sleep most nights, but…this night would always remain in his mind. Usually he was haunted by memories. Now, he was haunted by questions. 

First of all, the premise of the situation didn’t make sense. Armin having feelings for him…no, that was bullshit. He knew Armin— Armin was strong, focused, determined. He wouldn’t waste his time on something as fleeting as feelings when he damn well knew that in a moment, any one of them could be killed instantaneously.

Which meant that Armin’s cries for the others to stop teasing him made a _lot_ of sense. 

Levi’s frown became deeper. He had a squad to lead, a war to win. He couldn’t afford his soldiers arguing over something so trivial. 

But what if it was—

No. No. It couldn’t be true. 

So he decided to observe.

Levi distanced himself intentionally. It wasn’t too difficult given his general disposition, but he did have to admit that it immediately felt…wrong. At some point, he’d grown close to this rowdy group of brats. Setting himself apart from them again was odd. 

All at once, the captain came to realize how his life had come to revolve around his squad. No longer was he fighting off Eren’s pouting. He wasn’t giving Jean harsh looks that said ‘shut up or you’ll be scrubbing the floors for a week.’ He wasn’t rolling his eyes at how Mikasa trailed blindly after Eren. He wasn’t hitting Sasha over the head for trying to steal an extra roll. He wasn’t holding back a snicker at Conny’s sarcastic comments. 

But worse, there was a sudden void in conversation with Armin. 

And yes, Levi was quite aware that he did this on purpose, but…he hadn’t noticed how much of his time was consumed by the blond before. Levi no longer anticipated groggy chats over tea in the morning. He didn’t arrange his schedule to go to the stable the same time Armin did to ensure the job of taking care of the horses was done properly (or at least, that was the reason he told himself he went). 

There were no bright smiles and sky blue eyes twinkling at him. No laughter like the sound of fairy bells or snorts that were hastily covered up after Levi managed a joke. 

It all just…disappeared. In an instant. 

But the captain remained firm in his decision. From a distance, it was easier to observe. He couldn’t get caught in a riveting conversation with Armin and be distracted from his mission this way. 

And so, Levi watched. 

He found nothing strange. 

Armin still smiled at him every time they crossed paths. Armin still waved cheerfully when Levi headed out for his patrol. Armin still took care of the horses, and Levi had to say that his own mare’s coat seemed shinier than ever these days. Throughout the few weeks of the captain’s silent observation, Armin still laughed and chatted and used his brains to the best of his abilities. 

There, Levi decided. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But then the library happened. 

Levi walked out of the dimly lit room in a daze, a cascade of different emotions flitting by too quickly for any particular one to be identified. He…why had he done that? Why had he kissed Armin’s hand? Levi wasn’t one to do things just to make others feel better, and he certainly wasn’t one to show pity. And he knew he definitely didn’t pity Armin— that would be insulting. 

It would be another night haunted by questions. 

Dealing with a lack of sleep was common for the captain, but not like this. Levi usually got in at least a few hours, however…a bright red blush and terrified blue eyes, both glowing warm in candlelight, were keeping him from sleep. 

Levi integrated himself back into the squad easily enough. He overheard a few people talking about how he must have been in a ‘Heicho-funk.’ He subtly assigned those people extra cleaning duties over the next few weeks. 

As though he had never left, Armin was back at his side. Levi noticed that there was an almost ever-present pink tinge to the blond’s cheeks. It took him a while to realize it wasn’t a fever, but rather a blush. 

(Once he figured that out, Levi tried to not think it was cute.)

And so, life continued on. And when the blush got a little redder one day, Levi didn’t think anything of it. 

Until Eren was shouting his name like someone was dying, and honestly, when Levi saw Armin passed out in Eren’s arms, it damn well felt like it. 

Hange put him the blond on bedrest. They explained it to Levi— something about temperature fluctuations from using his titan form’s steam too much lately. His body couldn’t keep up, and though it didn’t seem to be a major illness, Levi never wanted to see Armin out cold like that ever again. 

The captain sat at his soldier’s bedside that night. Hange told him he didn’t need to. He told them to shut up and get some fucking rest. The look they gave him told him they wanted to say the exact same words to him. 

But he couldn’t leave. For the first hour, Levi tried to convince himself that it was because he’d already lost too many people. That maybe it was because Armin reminded him a little of Erwin, and Levi would’ve done something like this for his late friend. 

By the second hour, though, he knows his own reasoning is bullshit. 

Levi finds his eyes wandering over Armin’s face, the angelic one that still has that stubborn roundness in its cheeks. A hand drifted into golden locks of its own accord— that’s right, it’s been a while since he’d given him a haircut. He would ask about it once Armin was better. 

But then that brought about the thought of them being alone again together, and _fuck._ They hadn’t been alone since the library, had they? Had Armin done that intentionally? Did he feel uncomfortable around him now? 

He swallowed and tasted bitterness. He didn’t— no, he couldn’t. He didn’t even want to…want to what? He couldn’t even piece his own thoughts together, how the hell would he ever be able to express it to someone else? 

The only person he had feelings for that had even resembled something like love was Erwin, and even that was thoroughly entangled in the curse of his Ackerman bloodline. He could remember Kenny talking about it in flashes— this tie, this _pull_ they couldn’t escape from. 

They never spoke about what it would feel like if the person on the other end died. 

Levi had long since blocked the days following Erwin’s passing out of his memory. All he could recall was a coldness, an emptiness. Something in his body and mind and soul (if he believed in such a thing) that could never be filled again. Only in more recent months had he begun to feel the hole growing smaller and smaller until— 

Suddenly, it made sense. 

The captain would have jumped out of his chair if it weren’t for the fact that a pale hand had clasped his. Panicked eyes looked down— _when had that happened?_ — and he forced himself to stay still. 

Shallow breaths worked through his body and his mind was racing because holy shit, everything made sense now. He could even feel it, this sweet, blossoming, glowing thing in his chest that hadn’t been there in years, and how had he not noticed it before? Had it grown so slowly, crept in so gently that he hadn’t felt it? 

Levi almost let out a laugh, and he knew that if he was a different man, one who had seen far less pain, he would be crying tears of joy right now. He had a _home_ again, a purpose.   
  
Silver-blue eyes looked down at the young man with renewed affection. It was like seeing Armin for the first time. This boy turned into a man, this spitfire, this absolute genius. He was now on the other end of Levi’s tether, dragging him along, none the wiser. 

His hands were shaking. It hadn’t been like this when he’d latched onto Erwin— maybe because he’d been half furious and half in mourning. In this moment, all he had was the silence and his revelation ringing loud and full in his head. 

And now that Levi understood, he decided _to hell with it._ He leaned down, squeezing Armin’s hand tightly as he did so, and when he pressed his lips to the blond’s forehead just under soft locks, everything clicked into place. 

_Mine,_ his heart sang. _Mine to protect._

A rush of emotion flooded his lungs, and Levi pulled back gasping. Armin stirred in his sleep. Full eyelashes fluttered. Levi’s lips tugged upward. He hoped it was a pleasant dream. 

Sighing, Levi fell back into his chair. He rubbed his thumb against the heated skin of Armin’s hand. He wondered how Armin would react if he kissed it again. 

And just like that, the memory of the library once again flitted through his mind. The flickering lights, the startled blue eyes, the red cheeks, the horrible silence. 

The confession. 

He swallowed harshly, then gripped the limp hand harder. 

“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want,” Levi whispered. “But I’ll give you all that I can.”   
  
Armin let out a soft sigh. Levi didn’t know if he wished the blond had heard his promise or not. 

The captain stayed until sunrise, making sure to let go of the other’s hand before he woke. 

**Author's Note:**

> Me, wondering why I like to write bittersweet, not-quite-there romances. Please comment and such :)


End file.
